…there are two fundamentally different ways one can respond to a child who does something wrong. One is to impose a punitive consequence.  Another is to see the situation as a “teachable moment”, an opportunity to educate or to solve a problem together. The response here is not, “You’ve misbehaved; now here’s what I’m going to do to you” but “Something has gone wrong; what can we do about it?”

-Alfie Kohn, from Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes