So as it turns out, I’m writing a small series on a single episode of a show called Harry’s Law. What does that have to do with unschooling, you ask? You’d be surprised.
The episode centers around 16-year old Scott, who’s battling his parents in court in order to win the right to quit high school so that he may continue the career he’s built developing Twitter apps (for a very tidy sum, I might add).
Much of the dialogue between the boy and the lawyers touches on unschooling philosophy. But the testimony of his mother touches on something else entirely: the premise that hating school is normal. That kids don’t know what’s good for them. And that school, like a daily dose of castor oil, is a necessary evil.
This is what comes out when Ollie, her lawyer, makes the statement that her son – in spite of his stellar record – doesn’t like school.
Listen to her response…
“Well what kid does? He’s 16. He’s into girls, hanging out with his friends, sleeping in in the morning…”
This from a woman whose 16-year old gets up early, goes to work faithfully, and brings home the bacon to the tune of $72K, all the while gaining valuable training and experience.
In his book Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn notes that we’re in pretty big trouble when an idea has become so ingrained in our collective minds that we don’t even think to question it anymore. Nowhere is this more apparent than the school arena. TV shows, books, and real life conversations all share a very common theme when it comes to school: that pretty much nobody likes it – especially teenagers. Astoundingly, this overwhelming vote of no-confidence has resulted in – well, absolutely nothing.
We shake our heads, remembering doing our own time in the system, grateful to be free. And that’s pretty much the end of it. The idea of school being a necessary evil has become so ingrained that it doesn’t even occur to us to explore alternatives. Even worse, we’ve bought into the fear that a person who doesn’t pass straight on from high school to college is doomed to miserable, minimum-wage, manual labor. And the fear paralyzes us. After all, we can’t all be Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg, right? So we stick with the tried and true…put in your time, and hopefully one day you’ll reap the rewards.
Likewise, the poor mother in Harry’s Law is terrified that her son is headed for disaster, in spite of the evidence staring her right in the face: that he’s already a productive member of society, that he’s gaining expertise and experience, and that five or even ten years down the road, he could still go to college.
So what does this mean for us? Do we shrug our shoulders, pat our kids on the back and urge them to grin and bear it? Or do we summon up the courage it takes to face what we’ve taken for granted, and -maybe for the first time – dare to question it?
That sure would be one interesting cross-examination.
Couldn’t agree more!!!!
I actually have personally made a point to make school a “positive” thing for my daughter. I hated school for many reasons. But I never ever brought that mentality into my parenting. I always spoke about it like it is good. And songs and pop culture that even hint at speaking bad about school I would scoff at and make fun of right in front of my daughter. Belittle them like thy are trash. Like there was a song by a boy band called “we don’t like school” or somehing. And I basically spoke so cowardous of that band even outside that song that my daughter in her head got to thinking how lame they are and their opinions are. She started making fun of how stupid they were. “why don’t they like school they are so stupid” my kid would start to say to me. Of course not realizing why she thinks this in the first place.
Of course they are just mindless puppets for the music industry and have no creative input whatsoever in their already lame songs. But that’s not the point.
all the way kids are in America is commonly thought of to be normal for all kids everywhere and all kids in the history of the world. I find this stunning how unbelievably ignorant mostly everyone is to this. a lazy whiney do nothing wise ass teenager is not inherently like that due to their age at all. It actually has very little to do with age. In reality it’s mostly all to do with culture. The ideas and concepts and mentalities we pass on generation to generation is why we have teenagers who act as they do. This goes for any segment of the population. My most favorite example is the entitlement welfare bottom feeders. But that’s another discussion for another time.
I think you’re right in saying that broad stereotypes based simply on age can miss the mark. Laurie A. Couture addresses the same idea regarding teens, calling it the “teen rebellion myth”. In other words, teens do not act out simply because they’ve hit a certain age, rather it’s the way our society interacts with children and teens that sets up such a dynamic. I imagine that’s also the case for many other disenfranchised segments of our nation, although I couldn’t speak to that with any authority.
At the same time, I think it is very much the case that many children do, in fact, hate school, regardless of what message society (through books or tv) tries to send to the contrary. I admire your determination not to buy into the negative “trashing” of school in your interactions with your daughter, but I do think there is a time and place for allowing children to express their thoughts and feelings toward school, (which is after all, a major part of their lives), even if those thoughts and feelings are negative.
Yes, kids are supposed to hate school. The question from there is then: Why? Does the problem lie with school or the kids? Well, I think the answer lies in eliminating one of the variables. Think about it: adults do this thing called work. Adults get the same sanctioned social times (break/lunch) but they are allowed the luxury of getting paid for doing someone else’s work and mostly, safety (whistleblowing policy and such) I think they’re mostly enforced. Anti-bullying polices … not so much. Even then, we still moan that we hate working.
Tell me: If you went to work, didn’t get paid and knew that bullying was a real fear and that if you complained about anything or did the smallest thing that your boss didn’t like, you’d be effectively told to ‘Sit down and Shut up. Oh, and do overtime for free), how keen would YOU be to go there?
Yes, kids are supposed to hate school. The question from there is then: Why? Does the problem lie with school or the kids? Well, I think the answer lies in eliminating one of the variables. Think about it: adults do this thing called work. Adults get the same sanctioned social times (break/lunch) but they are allowed the luxury of getting paid for doing someone else’s work and mostly, safety (whistleblowing policy and such) I think they’re mostly enforced. Anti-bullying polices … not so much. Even then, we still moan that we hate working.
Tell me: If you went to work, didn’t get paid and knew that bullying was a real fear and that if you complained about anything or did the smallest thing that your boss didn’t like, you’d be effectively told to ‘Sit down and Shut up. Oh, and do overtime for free), how keen would YOU be to go there?
(i am 9 yrs. old lol)
i have to totally agree with Sia. i have been saying the same exact thing for months. we work 35 hrs. a week and don’t get paid a dime. people keep saying “wait till later”. but later is in nine years.
also, schools should ask students what they want to be first. for instance: i want a doctorate degree in pathology. and i still have to go to music. wow.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective, Louisa!